


Who Am I To Say?

by KofaChan



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, human verse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-07 06:12:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16848658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KofaChan/pseuds/KofaChan
Summary: Human!AU for DBH. Connor is struggling with his feelings towards Markus, unable to sleep. It's basically how he's dealing with that in one night.





	Who Am I To Say?

**Author's Note:**

> A drabble I wrote for androidrightsactivist on tumblr.  
> Song Inspiration: Who am I to say by Hope

_Love of my life, my soulmate_  
_You’re my best friend_  
_Part of me like breathing_  
_Now half of me is left_

Connor was up all night. He laid in bed for a while, staring at the ceiling. His stomach was in knots. He felt  _sick_. It was an unfamiliar feeling, something he probably should have experienced in his teenage years. But it was happening  **now**.   


“Fuck…” he cursed, sitting up in bed, throwing his pillow in frustration. He couldn’t stop thinking about  _him_. He shouldn’t think about him. He shouldn’t even be considering it! He would push things too far too fast, he would push Markus away. And he didn’t want to do that. The man just lost his husband not too long ago, and he didn’t even know if he was looking for a  **lover** right now.   


He got up from bed and went out of his bedroom into the small living area. Sitting at the small kitchen table, Connor pulled over his laptop and pulled up the Criminal Code. A distraction for his mind, at least he hoped.

_I don’t know anything at all_  
_Who am I to say you love me_  
_I don’t know anything at all_  
_And who am I to say you need me_

The distraction lasted maybe a half hour before Connor was distracted with continuously looking at the clock. He frowned at the clock, wishing time would just go faster so he could go to work. Or even wishing his emergency phone would go off. Anything to just  _distract_  him from these feelings and thoughts.

But now he resigned himself to typing up his feelings. First, it was just to get what he was feeling down so he could understand it all. But then it began to turn into him writing Markus. But everything sounded ridiculous. It wasn’t  **good**  enough. It just didn’t feel  _right_. In frustration, he closed the computer and pushed it aside, resting his head on the table. He was too tired for this, but too worked up to sleep.

_Color me blue I’m lost in you_  
_Don’t know why I’m still waiting_  
_Many moons have come and gone_  
_Don’t know why I’m still searching_

Maybe it was too late for him to get into a relationship. Maybe he waited too long. Maybe he just didn’t  _understand_. Markus deserved someone who wasn’t so busy like him, right? He deserved someone mature, someone who would be there for him. Connor was busy with work, he had always chosen his career over others. It had been driven into him at a young age. To work, to ignore desire. To  **be**  somebody. 

Tears began to streak his face and Connor now held his head in his hands. Nothing had even _happened_  yet. Why was he crying? Why the  **hell**  was he crying?! He could almost hear his brother scolding him.

His head was throbbing, his face stung, his heart ached. And he didn’t know what would fix it. He didn’t want to ruin Markus’s life. To put him in a position where he’d have someone who couldn’t _hold up_. He deserved so much more after what he’s been through. Losing a loved one was hard, and his job wasn’t exactly  **safe**. He couldn’t put Markus through that again. What if he was killed on the job? What then?!

He slammed his fist into the table and stood up, going into the bathroom to take a cold shower. Something to calm him down.

_Now you’re a song I love to sing_  
_Never thought it’d feel so free_  
_Now I know what’s meant to be_  
_And that’s okay with me_

He wasn’t sure how long he had spent under the cold water. He was almost hoping it would wash away every speck of emotion. It didn’t.

Connor frowned, finally dragging himself out of the shower. Slowly, he dried himself off and got dressed into some sweats and a t-shirt. Coming out of the bathroom with a towel over his shoulders, he rubbed at his hair. Looking at the time, it was now just after five in the morning. He wasted his whole night struggling with this. It was  **ridiculous**.

Screw it.

He had to tell Markus. Even if it meant rejection, it would be better than  _this_. Connor moved to find his cell phone. He didn’t want to risk waking Markus, so he decided a text message was best.

‘Hey Markus, this is a ridiculous way to talk about this. Through a text? So stupid. But I didn’t want to wake you up with a phone call. I’m just going to come out and say it. I think I’m in love with you, and I know that might be hard because of things you’ve been through over this past year. I understand if you still need time, that’s fine! But I also want you to consider my occupation before you jump into this, if you choose to. I’m a Detective and my job comes with risk. I don’t intend to die, but it’s still a possibility. That being said, I care about you a lot and I hope you have a good night – Day, it’s day now. Have a good day.’  


It was a long text message and he hoped that Markus wasn’t offended at all. He didn’t want to upset him and it just made him more anxious now that he sent the message. There was no rest. No rest for him today. He decided he would get dressed for the day instead and leave for the day. To go to work and have that be his distraction.

_I don’t know anything at all_  
_And who am I to say you love me_  
_I don’t know anything at all_  
_And who am I to say you need me_


End file.
